It's Lent...

which means I've decided to give something up.... because let's face it I always need time away from something. Usually its wine but alas I am indeed knocked up... again. So that leaves Facebook, Celebrity Gossip and online shopping.... I guess I could have given up soda. But no soda or wine? Not happening so I went with Celebrity Gossip because since I'm in my safe place I will tell you just how pathetic my habit for that crap has gotten. The US Weekly app on my phone was getting way more play than any other even Bejeweled- hot damn! (Sidenote: When my iphone starts spitting out cash like the Bejeweled at the casino we will be set for life because I can rock that shit) B would get home from work and it went like this:
Me: How was your day?
B: Work talk... funny stories... eyerolls about work. How were things around here?
Me: Oh my god. Guess what?
B: What?
Me: Beyonce bought the lucite crib that I love! Baby Blue is already my hero. Then Kristen Bell was on Ellen and she was totally cracking me up! I still can't believe she's engaged to Dax but whatev they seem happy and you know I just want her to be happy. And then Angelina took Zahara to shop at Limited Too for a whole new wardrobe! Can you imagine running into Angie at the mall?! Apparently it caused quite a fuss.
B: Let me rephrase. How were things with our sons today?
Me: Oh. Good. You know. Good.


What a loser.

Its a WHA?

So here's the deal.
Wives tales- bull shit. Online baby gender quizzes- bullshit. Friends with claimed psychic powers- bullshit. (Yeah that happened)

So this is how my ultrasound went down today:
Ultrasound Tech: "Are we finding out the gender of your baby today?" Starts squirting the gel on the scanner o' power.
B: "Yes and she'd like to know as soon as possible." Motioning to me and chuckling at how funny he ISNT.
Me: "Yes please!" And I lay back all calm and collected and think about the fact that just this morning I dangled my wedding ring over my belly with a piece of yarn and it went in a circular motion for the third time. Bitch, I dont need your power tools. I got my own power tools and they say girl. I got this.
Tech: As she's putting the nastiness on my bump "What do you have at home?"
B & I: Two boys.
Tech: 45 seconds later "Whelp! There's the penis."
Me: Jaw dropping to the floor...... at this point I would have started thinking maybe she can't see clearly because I know its a girl....except that the photo she's taking is so clear that it will embarrass him later in life. Him. He. Penis. Three. Boys.
B: Turns to me nervously, squeezing my hand and reading my mind.....

And that's how the shit went down. So as a recap I will soon enough be the mother to three sons. Whom I adore, because let me tell you they love me. I am like Home base. Be all, end all. I dont want you B I want the real deal, I want my mommy kind of love.

But the moral of the story is this: Boys are good. Wives tales are bullshit.

ps I've decided I've been given all of these men because growing up I was (and essentially still am) Boy- crazy... God's like oh you like boys? I'll show you boys...

Sick...

I have the stomach flu. Couldn't sleep. It's 2:41 am I'm eating saltines and sobbing to the damned Say Yes to the (Effing) Dress.....

*$#!*&#!(*@!#@!

Is it the 26th yet?

Fancy Meeting You Here...

So... Since I have no readers I think its a little silly to apologize about my absence but I will say in my defense that I'm a busy woman. Busy how? You might be asking yourself- remember how I told you I really wanted to grow my hair out? Well I've been busy growing my hair out... and growing my third baby. My bump says hey what's up.

When you're pregnant people say "Oh! Do you want a boy or a girl?" and then you rub your bump and say "Oh! We just want a healthy baby!" And that is always true of course and ALWAYS the most important thing. So that's what I said. The first two times. Now when people ask I say, "Of course I want a girl!" I have not hidden my preference well this time, because frankly its the first time I've had a preference. The fact is this is my last baby and I do want a daughter. I called my best friend one day and asked her if I'm a terrible mother for being so obvious about my need for pink. She assured me that I'm not a terrible mother that we'll reconveign on the subject if I have a boy and start dressing him in girls clothes. Fair enough. And that is why she's my best friend.

Speaking of girls. If you're pregnant and you're begging God for a girl. (Like every night when you go to bed and all you can think about is decorating a girl's nursery, or picking out hair bows and leggings or having a relationship with a little girl like the one I cherish so dearly with my own mother ..... oh god that's like a whole other post.) Anyway, if that's ever you do not.... ever.... stay up until 2am watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' and sobbing when the mothers and daughters find that perfect dress- or even worse when they bring the Father of the Bride and he's the one crying. Agh! But I'm trying my best to put it out of my mind... at least for the next week and three days til the big gender reveal ultrasound... not that anyone is counting down or reminding every single person in her life of the count....

In other news... Baby A is coming to the end of his time as a 'baby' he's less than a month out from his first birthday and I'm heartbroken about it. There's something so special about my sweet baby. He and I have such a special bond. It makes me teary eyed just thinking about him following me around the house (almost walking!) and shouting my name "Ma Ma Ma Ma!" He is much more of a lover than a fighter which is why I was so surprised he bit his brother last week.
:-/ E was not sharing well and A let him know he wasn't happy about it....

What can I say? We're all a work in progress around here :-)

I'm with the band....

For those of you who don't know this is Fabrizio Moretti. I just call him Fab, for various reason I'm sure you can't figure out. He is the drummer for The Strokes. And I adore him. Sometimes I refer to him as my "boyfriend."
I also refer to Eduardo Verástegui, Charlie Hunnam, Marcus Mumford, Naveen Andrews and Henry Ian Cusick with the coveted title. (Even my husband has been known to refer to a guy as my boyfriend! Such a good sport that one.) You should know that the title of Pretend Husband lies solely with the beautiful Jeffery Dean Morgan. Or Jeff if you're me, the Pretend Mrs. Morgan.... talk about a coveted title. I digress because clearly you get the point and now I really want to go watch Grey's Anatomy reruns.

There is a point: I told you guys about my "boss" on free night. He just turned 21 and he is so precious. I imagine one of my boys wearing their hair shaggy like him and what is with these boys and the tight pants? It's like he's wearing leggings, but he's so nice that as a mom I don't care. And he likes really good music. Like good music. And he blasts it in the back room and we all act like we don't see the other dancing. A couple weeks ago we were jamming to The Strokes and I made a comment about Fab my boyfriend.

Fast forward to last night:
"I told my best friend you dated one of The Strokes. He thinks you're the most awesome person in the world now. They're his favorite band. He wanted me to ask which guy it was."
You can imagine my face right about now. I waited for two beats.
"You know I was joking right?"
"No!"
I am an idiot. Note to self: Not everyone gets the sense of humor. Or your affinity for celebrity men.
"If I'd actually dated Fabrizio Moretti I wouldn't work here... I'd just be off somewhere being awesome!" He and I both had a good laugh about it. And when I stopped being mortified I realized something. He thought I dated......

this???????????????