Its a WHA?

So here's the deal.
Wives tales- bull shit. Online baby gender quizzes- bullshit. Friends with claimed psychic powers- bullshit. (Yeah that happened)

So this is how my ultrasound went down today:
Ultrasound Tech: "Are we finding out the gender of your baby today?" Starts squirting the gel on the scanner o' power.
B: "Yes and she'd like to know as soon as possible." Motioning to me and chuckling at how funny he ISNT.
Me: "Yes please!" And I lay back all calm and collected and think about the fact that just this morning I dangled my wedding ring over my belly with a piece of yarn and it went in a circular motion for the third time. Bitch, I dont need your power tools. I got my own power tools and they say girl. I got this.
Tech: As she's putting the nastiness on my bump "What do you have at home?"
B & I: Two boys.
Tech: 45 seconds later "Whelp! There's the penis."
Me: Jaw dropping to the floor...... at this point I would have started thinking maybe she can't see clearly because I know its a girl....except that the photo she's taking is so clear that it will embarrass him later in life. Him. He. Penis. Three. Boys.
B: Turns to me nervously, squeezing my hand and reading my mind.....

And that's how the shit went down. So as a recap I will soon enough be the mother to three sons. Whom I adore, because let me tell you they love me. I am like Home base. Be all, end all. I dont want you B I want the real deal, I want my mommy kind of love.

But the moral of the story is this: Boys are good. Wives tales are bullshit.

ps I've decided I've been given all of these men because growing up I was (and essentially still am) Boy- crazy... God's like oh you like boys? I'll show you boys...

Sick...

I have the stomach flu. Couldn't sleep. It's 2:41 am I'm eating saltines and sobbing to the damned Say Yes to the (Effing) Dress.....

*$#!*&#!(*@!#@!

Is it the 26th yet?

Fancy Meeting You Here...

So... Since I have no readers I think its a little silly to apologize about my absence but I will say in my defense that I'm a busy woman. Busy how? You might be asking yourself- remember how I told you I really wanted to grow my hair out? Well I've been busy growing my hair out... and growing my third baby. My bump says hey what's up.

When you're pregnant people say "Oh! Do you want a boy or a girl?" and then you rub your bump and say "Oh! We just want a healthy baby!" And that is always true of course and ALWAYS the most important thing. So that's what I said. The first two times. Now when people ask I say, "Of course I want a girl!" I have not hidden my preference well this time, because frankly its the first time I've had a preference. The fact is this is my last baby and I do want a daughter. I called my best friend one day and asked her if I'm a terrible mother for being so obvious about my need for pink. She assured me that I'm not a terrible mother that we'll reconveign on the subject if I have a boy and start dressing him in girls clothes. Fair enough. And that is why she's my best friend.

Speaking of girls. If you're pregnant and you're begging God for a girl. (Like every night when you go to bed and all you can think about is decorating a girl's nursery, or picking out hair bows and leggings or having a relationship with a little girl like the one I cherish so dearly with my own mother ..... oh god that's like a whole other post.) Anyway, if that's ever you do not.... ever.... stay up until 2am watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' and sobbing when the mothers and daughters find that perfect dress- or even worse when they bring the Father of the Bride and he's the one crying. Agh! But I'm trying my best to put it out of my mind... at least for the next week and three days til the big gender reveal ultrasound... not that anyone is counting down or reminding every single person in her life of the count....

In other news... Baby A is coming to the end of his time as a 'baby' he's less than a month out from his first birthday and I'm heartbroken about it. There's something so special about my sweet baby. He and I have such a special bond. It makes me teary eyed just thinking about him following me around the house (almost walking!) and shouting my name "Ma Ma Ma Ma!" He is much more of a lover than a fighter which is why I was so surprised he bit his brother last week.
:-/ E was not sharing well and A let him know he wasn't happy about it....

What can I say? We're all a work in progress around here :-)

I'm with the band....

For those of you who don't know this is Fabrizio Moretti. I just call him Fab, for various reason I'm sure you can't figure out. He is the drummer for The Strokes. And I adore him. Sometimes I refer to him as my "boyfriend."
I also refer to Eduardo Verástegui, Charlie Hunnam, Marcus Mumford, Naveen Andrews and Henry Ian Cusick with the coveted title. (Even my husband has been known to refer to a guy as my boyfriend! Such a good sport that one.) You should know that the title of Pretend Husband lies solely with the beautiful Jeffery Dean Morgan. Or Jeff if you're me, the Pretend Mrs. Morgan.... talk about a coveted title. I digress because clearly you get the point and now I really want to go watch Grey's Anatomy reruns.

There is a point: I told you guys about my "boss" on free night. He just turned 21 and he is so precious. I imagine one of my boys wearing their hair shaggy like him and what is with these boys and the tight pants? It's like he's wearing leggings, but he's so nice that as a mom I don't care. And he likes really good music. Like good music. And he blasts it in the back room and we all act like we don't see the other dancing. A couple weeks ago we were jamming to The Strokes and I made a comment about Fab my boyfriend.

Fast forward to last night:
"I told my best friend you dated one of The Strokes. He thinks you're the most awesome person in the world now. They're his favorite band. He wanted me to ask which guy it was."
You can imagine my face right about now. I waited for two beats.
"You know I was joking right?"
"No!"
I am an idiot. Note to self: Not everyone gets the sense of humor. Or your affinity for celebrity men.
"If I'd actually dated Fabrizio Moretti I wouldn't work here... I'd just be off somewhere being awesome!" He and I both had a good laugh about it. And when I stopped being mortified I realized something. He thought I dated......

this???????????????

I take it back... I take it all back...

I want my hair back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried loving it. I even tried liking it. Now I'm trying to hate it less. It sounds silly to say I worked my ass off to grow my hair out because in reality I did nothing but wait.... and wait... and wait... for two years but it was finally at the point that when I looked in the mirror I got to think, "YEAH! It's the perfect length!" And then my hormones had to get all crazy because having a baby wreck you physically and emotionally isnt enough he also has to cause you to lose your hair like George Costanza. No. Really. Good thing I'm head over heels for my littlest guy. My nickname was "Wookie" for the three months it took B to convince me that it was "time." Don't worry I've been guilt tripping him as often as I can manage without pissing him off. The real turning point for B was when one of my long and luscious hairs got wrapped around three of the baby's toes. Now I'm a bitch but I would never want anything to happen to my child because of my hair. So I cut it. Wait- more like chopped it. The good news is that Baby has all of his toes intact, there is not more cursing when B showers after me and I dont have to spend half hour blow drying all of that hair that I busted my ass growing. I do however have to spend thirty minutes with a hot iron trying to tame my "wash n'go" style..... or I just walk around lookin a hot mess. hmm.... I wonder which usually happens. In an even more entertaining note I found myself saying to B "Instead of waiting another year, let's just hurry up and have our third (and planned to be final!) baby so I can grow my hair out." To which he said, "I'm going to go ahead and pretend you didn't just suggest we have a baby so you can grow out your hair." Ugh...